Before I continue, I feel it necessary at this point to let you know that Clint assures me that playing beach volleyball was an entirely acceptable pastime back in the late 90s, not nearly as gay as it sounds and an excellent way of working on your tan and sculpting your guns.
Just so you understand the severity of this story, it was one of the original patio talk sessions and I'm pretty sure I completely lost my shit over this one. It was too much for me to handle. I guess that's enough foreplay, you should all have your beers cracked by now.
Alright so there are, as you have come to expect, the patio is sunny and warm, beers are flowing and Clint has his microphone in hand...the story begins...
Backpack is the nickname of some guy Clint ran into at a bar while on a date. He is sitting there talking to his date when this guy approaches him. Clint gives an excellent description of him. Mid 40s, hoodie, dirty jeans, a little bit of his dinner on his left cheek and drunk. Clint would call him a "Robbie" (I will write a future post on this term, stay tuned).
So this guy proceeds to ask Clint for his "handle". What an introduction. Its no wonder Clint completely ignored his date from this point onward, I don't blame him, the combination of a hoodie and a one-liner like that would have led me to do the same thing.
Unknown to Clint at the time because he was too busy playing beach volleyball instead of playing video games is that the term Handle refers to a nickname. Clint has no idea what this guy is talking about, fortunately the guy is pretty drunk and offers his handle first..."...they call me Backpack."
Clint barely has time to inquire further when the guy offers a full on explanation. Backpack claims that he once came up with some brilliant ideas on backpack design. He continues to claim that he had a "near deal" with Sears to sell these backpacks.
I can't help but think what kind of bar caters to such an interesting clientèle. I mean on the one side of the bar you have an up and coming executive, probably extremely tanned trying to show his biceps to his date and on the other you have, well this guy Backpack.
By this point in the conversation Clint's date is pretty angry that he is ignoring her, but he doesn't care, he has to listen to this guy. Backpack claims that Sears dropped the deal because the innovations he was proposing would be too expensive.
Now that I have peaked your interest you understand how I felt that day on the patio and I'm sure how Clint felt while listening to this guy. What innovations you ask? Zippers, lots and lots of zippers.
Backpack goes on to state that he designed and manufactured backpacks with as many as 17 zippers. Now, why anyone would even consider this when they are writing up a business plan first thing in the morning is beyond me.
By this point Clint's date can't even handle it anymore and actually leaves. Do you think Clint goes with her? Nope, he had to stay to hear the rest of this guy's story...can you blame him?
Clint can't think of anything else to ask except: how the hell do you get 17 zippers on a backpack? I want to paraphrase the answer, but I can't...I have to give you the direct quote: "...well here's the trick, you know what happens when you open up one of the zippers [pause for answer] BOOM - another fucking zipper!"
Who is this guy? Needless to say this direct quote has become famous, I can't get enough of it.
The next time you are sitting at a bar, with date or not and you see a guy with some food on his face at the other end, do yourself a favor and ask him his handle. If it turns out to be Backpack, do me a favor and call me immediately!
hey buddy whats your handle.....pardon me?
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