"I got this one..." An underage drinking story....

Everyone has their stories about that first time you had a few too many drinks and they almost always involve some kind of disgusting alcohol and the fact that you were underage.

I'm just telling you all right now, no story compares to this next one.

I am particularly fond of this story as it launched one of the initial Clint and James comedic, interactive and ongoing stage acts.  We would perform this routine at the store when people were feeling low after having been told to start committing anti-semitic hate crimes, as per the company business model.

This story takes place during the snow storm of December, 2008.  Most people have resentment for this time, but for myself, I am thankful that it happened as it led to some of the most pivotal Patio Talk sessions of all time.  Don't assume for a minute that Clint and I wouldn't be on the patio even in the snow.  Nothing stops Patio Talk.

Clint spent about 36 hours straight at my place due to the heavy snowfall and the results from this time are priceless, so many stories, so many characters, so many routines...it was one of those key moments.

The best part about this story is that not only is Clint 13 years old, but he was drinking Southern Comfort.  I was always under the assumption that Southern Comfort was more of a liqueur used to flavor drinks...but like a good early teenage boy he found whatever he could and drank it straight out of the bottle.  I am sure we all have a similar story.

So he is out in the backwoods near Cowichan Lake, he grew up in Victoria and when you grow up on the Island, Cowichan is always a good choice for illegal drinking.  For whatever reason he and his buddies decide one day to find random booze and go drinking in the woods.  Don't lie to yourself now, we have all done it at one time.

The details of the actual drinking are standard.  You know how it goes when you are young, you drink weird shit and you drink it fast.

Needless to say, none of them had vehicles and there was no way they could call their parents for rides.  They decide to try hitchhiking.  They were able to make it far enough into civilization to find a bus stop.

Public transportation and underage drinking is pure comedic genius.  It always ends badly.  Clint is sitting there when he starts to feel very ill, with no bucket or bathroom around he takes off his jacket, holds it in his lap with both arms and barfs...over and over again into his jacket.

This goes on for a few minutes, the passengers are losing it and the driver doesn't know what to do.  One passenger gets a great idea and this is the routine I still perform to this day, it is classic.

This guys stands up and starts approaching Clint - cautiously.  He is slowly making his way to Clint, all the while maintaining a steady pace and hesitantly pulling back to ensure he doesn't startle Clint and unintentionally induce some form of projectile vomit in his direction.  As he is making his approach, he is pointing at Clint and assuring all the other passengers that "...I got this one..."

Eventually he makes his way to Clint, casually taps him on his shoulder and states (I want to paraphrase, but quotes like these are too good to pass up) "...hey...hey buddy [Clint turns around and mumbles his acknowledgment]...hey listen buddy this is your stop, you might want to ring the bell..." Brilliant right? I mean who is this guy? He is like the MacGyver of oral communication.

Clint's response is simple, he has no idea that he is in the middle of nowhere so with his jacket in his arms and puke all over the place he turns, looks at this guy and says in a childish voice: "...gee thanks mister..."


This random bus hero has done it.  Clint stands up, rings the bell and staggers off the bus.  People are clapping, laughing, shaking the hero's hand, there's all kinds of high fives being exchanged.  Clint is about 20 blocks away from his house and ends up walking the rest of the way...but that's what happens when Southern Comfort meets public transportation and Clint Walker is involved.


So the moral of the story is simple: if you find yourself feeling a little unhappy, don't stress out, walk up to your buddy slowly, start pointing around and just utter the words "...I got this one..." you will feel better I promise.