Alright so I have had repeated requests to post the saga that is Bus Stop Steve, so here we go.
Is he fictional or is he real? The stories are true folks, he is a real person. Do yourself a favor and check out Keith's blog (see my Recommended Reads on the sidebar), download a song by Toss Donkey called Medium T and about halfway through you will hear Clint talking about Steve...its actually genius how Keith was able to incorporate this into the song.
Anyways enough shameless plugging of Toss Donkey...
Almost a year ago now I found myself in the role of manager at the fascist electronics store I mentioned in my previous post. During my time in that role I was faced with the difficult task of recruiting and choosing a new Home Theater supervisor. Naturally I offered Clint the job, unfortunately his incredible tan and unnaturally large guns seemed to get in the way of his decision making abilities that week so I was left with 2 other options. One of those options was Steve. Now, I don't want anyone here to think for a second that I had anything to do with him as an option, that would be my boss...Steve was his choice.
Clint tells the story to myself and a few other select Patio Talk invitees a couple weeks later. With microphone in hand and cameras rolling this was one for the books.
Steve came into the store a couple of times while still in the interview process for the job. One time he approached Clint while was in the Computer section. Dressed in a button down shirt...naturally with his sleeves rolled up and I believe his best 1990s skinny silk tie on. His ties are now legend and I have already made plans to affix them permanently in a case of glass and display them prominently in the entrance hall of the Nanaimo Chamber of Commerce.
So this guy Steve decides he wants all kinds of stuff but wants below cost pricing. Claiming he is "practically already hired" he is trying to convince anyone that will listen to give him these ridiculous deals. Clint is having no part of this guy, but makes a point of watching him for the duration of his stay.
During his time looking at items in the store Clint notices that Steve continuously asks for his father's advice on everything from laptops to cables to random paper products, I'm pretty sure someone mentioned to me that Steve even had his father escort him to and from the bathroom. Clint can't handle it, this guy was apparently, according to my boss in his effort to persuade me that Steve was a viable option, some kind of regional trainer for a smaller retail electronics chain and he is comfortably in this early thirties.
Are you getting a good picture of what we are dealing with here yet? Clint's impression of Steve asking for permission from his dad is priceless. There is no way I could even begin to describe it using only words. Not that I don't possess the requisite amount of written ability, but to be honest with you, I would ruin it. I'll tell you what, I know that somewhere out there is a video of Clint doing his impression of Steve...I will find it and upload it as soon as I can.
So there we are, Clint is well beyond his 3 beer in 15 minutes and we all believe the story is over...however with Clint there is always more.
Clint continues watching in disbelief as Steve stumbles around the store with mustard on his face, holding his father's hand until he finally decides to purchase some small item. After trying to haggle his way into a deal under the guise of almost being an employee, Steve finally heads to the front of the store and to a cashier.
As Steve is reaching into his pocket, out pops a number of curious items, some cash and a few bus transfers. This is where things really get interesting. Steve, and my boss still to this day will not admit that there was anything wrong with this guy, attempts to pass off these bus transfers as legal tender. As if they were worth some nominal amount of money.
One of these transfers was actually from the greater Toronto area, but as quoted by Clint, Steve "believed he still deserved full credit" for it. Unreal. To this day I still don't know how he managed to pay for his item.
I'm actually surprised Steve was able to negotiate the simple task of dressing himself in the morning before coming to the store.
The impersonation of Bus Stop Steve as portrayed by Clint has been replicated and imitated many times. However when you are on that patio with Clint, do not let him leave without telling you the story in his own words. Make sure you have your 15 pack ready because you are gonna need them all.
(Dad? Dad? Dad?)
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Coming this Summer to FOX, a new series starring Clint Walker - Patio Talk
Before I launch into full blown story mode, there is one more part of foundation which needs to be laid.
Patios and views are 2 things Clint can't resist. Fortunately for me I have a decent patio with an incredible view from my place. This is fortunate because this combination led to an event which I can never forget.
The original Patio Talk was a full on Clint event. Sunny weather and a 15 pack of beer. Clint has this amazing ability to promote the rapid consumption of beer in a short period of time.
So there we are, its just the 2 of us. Its about 4:30 on a weekday afternoon, the sun is glaring and warm. I am rapidly getting a sunburn as I am about as pasty white as they come...Clint on the other hand has been tanning since the early 80s, so he is looking as bronzed and powerful as a Greek Statue of Zeus.
Tanning is key to the power that is Clint, there are times he comes over and he is too tanned for me, I can barely handle it, to be honest with you I have actually had to disengage from the enjoyment of his stories to consider my lack of tan and its unworthiness.
Seeing as we are on the subject of tanning, Clint just called me to advise me that he was going to the gym...and then going for a tan...its classic Clint, if he wasn't going to get a tan, I would be concerned and probably be calling hospitals and drunk tanks all over the country. The Island is simply not big enough to house Clint Walker, he could be anywhere.
Anyways, back to the topic at hand...
Before I know it I see my 2 empty cans on the table next to his 5 empty cans. I glance at my watch to discover its been about 20 minutes. To achieve a true Clint Walker event folks, you must begin by having about 3 beer in 15 minutes, it is not enough to allow Clint to take the helm on this one, if you are looking to enjoy a full on experience, you must be right there with him.
Clint and I have always enjoyed great conversations, but you get us on a patio with beers and those conversations take on an entirely new dimension. I have nothing to do with the direction of patio talk, I can't take any credit for what ensues during this type of event...it is pure Clint at his best. There is something which I will refer to from here on as the Clint Walker Effect (or CWE for short).
You see when Clint starts going, if you are lucky enough to be present during one of these events, you are in for a real treat. The original patio talk is where I experienced my first true Clint experience.
All of a sudden he bursts into the role of Talk Show host. I don't even really realize what is going on at first. He is holding a fictitious microphone in his hand and staring at a corner of my deck...I quickly realize that he is looking at the imaginary video camera.
I am floored at this point, Clint is full bore now. He held me in the role of guest speaker, a role which I gladly accepted. Needless to say, the 15 pack is now gone, its been a little under an hour and Clint is still going. I am laughing my ass off as I'm trying to take it all in.
There is a moment in every Clint experience where he goes from simply talking to full on story telling. Let me just say that you have not heard a story until you have heard it through the eyes of Clint Walker.
Every story or inside joke from our many patio talks has grown into something beyond our control.
From Bus Stop Steve to Truck Truck Ferry and Backpack with his 18 zippers. If you have enjoyed a Clint rant in the last 2 years you can be sure that those stories were first described in full detail during Patio Talk. I can take absolutely no responsibility for these stories, however the level of enjoyment I get from them has led to me ensure that they are continued and spread to as many people as possible.
During his time at a certain fascist consumer electronics retail superstore, Clint was able to use these stories and characters to boost the morale of the entire store. This is why I have created this blog, Clint is no longer with that store and as such I cannot allow his wisdom and surgical like comedic timing to go to waste.
There is hope out there people, don't let life get you down, take an hour out of your day, buy all the beer you can get and find Clint on a patio. Look for the extremely tanned guy wearing a medium T-Shirt with guns exposed and captivating an audience. Sit down and enjoy.
Patios and views are 2 things Clint can't resist. Fortunately for me I have a decent patio with an incredible view from my place. This is fortunate because this combination led to an event which I can never forget.
The original Patio Talk was a full on Clint event. Sunny weather and a 15 pack of beer. Clint has this amazing ability to promote the rapid consumption of beer in a short period of time.
So there we are, its just the 2 of us. Its about 4:30 on a weekday afternoon, the sun is glaring and warm. I am rapidly getting a sunburn as I am about as pasty white as they come...Clint on the other hand has been tanning since the early 80s, so he is looking as bronzed and powerful as a Greek Statue of Zeus.
Tanning is key to the power that is Clint, there are times he comes over and he is too tanned for me, I can barely handle it, to be honest with you I have actually had to disengage from the enjoyment of his stories to consider my lack of tan and its unworthiness.
Seeing as we are on the subject of tanning, Clint just called me to advise me that he was going to the gym...and then going for a tan...its classic Clint, if he wasn't going to get a tan, I would be concerned and probably be calling hospitals and drunk tanks all over the country. The Island is simply not big enough to house Clint Walker, he could be anywhere.
Anyways, back to the topic at hand...
Before I know it I see my 2 empty cans on the table next to his 5 empty cans. I glance at my watch to discover its been about 20 minutes. To achieve a true Clint Walker event folks, you must begin by having about 3 beer in 15 minutes, it is not enough to allow Clint to take the helm on this one, if you are looking to enjoy a full on experience, you must be right there with him.
Clint and I have always enjoyed great conversations, but you get us on a patio with beers and those conversations take on an entirely new dimension. I have nothing to do with the direction of patio talk, I can't take any credit for what ensues during this type of event...it is pure Clint at his best. There is something which I will refer to from here on as the Clint Walker Effect (or CWE for short).
You see when Clint starts going, if you are lucky enough to be present during one of these events, you are in for a real treat. The original patio talk is where I experienced my first true Clint experience.
All of a sudden he bursts into the role of Talk Show host. I don't even really realize what is going on at first. He is holding a fictitious microphone in his hand and staring at a corner of my deck...I quickly realize that he is looking at the imaginary video camera.
I am floored at this point, Clint is full bore now. He held me in the role of guest speaker, a role which I gladly accepted. Needless to say, the 15 pack is now gone, its been a little under an hour and Clint is still going. I am laughing my ass off as I'm trying to take it all in.
There is a moment in every Clint experience where he goes from simply talking to full on story telling. Let me just say that you have not heard a story until you have heard it through the eyes of Clint Walker.
Every story or inside joke from our many patio talks has grown into something beyond our control.
From Bus Stop Steve to Truck Truck Ferry and Backpack with his 18 zippers. If you have enjoyed a Clint rant in the last 2 years you can be sure that those stories were first described in full detail during Patio Talk. I can take absolutely no responsibility for these stories, however the level of enjoyment I get from them has led to me ensure that they are continued and spread to as many people as possible.
During his time at a certain fascist consumer electronics retail superstore, Clint was able to use these stories and characters to boost the morale of the entire store. This is why I have created this blog, Clint is no longer with that store and as such I cannot allow his wisdom and surgical like comedic timing to go to waste.
There is hope out there people, don't let life get you down, take an hour out of your day, buy all the beer you can get and find Clint on a patio. Look for the extremely tanned guy wearing a medium T-Shirt with guns exposed and captivating an audience. Sit down and enjoy.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The Beginning
This blog was created with one purpose in mind. It is long overdue and something which the world needs to read.
The central purpose and theme is simple. Clint is a man who needs very little introduction. For those of us who know him: you all understand why this blog was created and required to ensure the continued survival of the human race…for that matter for the continued existence of life on this planet in all its forms. For those of you who don’t know Clint, read away and enjoy. In fact reading won’t be enough, you will find and I promise you this, that after reading a few posts you will feel or even crave the overwhelming desire to meet him and bask in the overflowing brilliance, lunacy and splendor that is Clint Walker.
Finding him fortunately is the easy part. If there is a tanning bed nearby, you can find him. If there is a sale on undersized men’s shirts, you can find him. If you find yourself staring at a robotic vacuum wondering what its thinking, you can find him. If you have a patio and 15 minutes to drink as many beers as possible, you can find him. If you have mixed tapes with questionable content on one side and summer of 1993 self made mixes on the other side, you can find him. If you have bus transfers in your pocket and a guy named Steve on your mind, you can find him. If you insist on rolling up your sleeves as the need to expose and display your guns is too great, you can find him. If you find yourself straightening your hair after a 2 hour shower, you can find him. If you can hear random calls for Bison, you can find him. If you find yourself littering every hallway and vacant bit of floor with your own resume, you can find him.
I can go on and on my friends, consider the previous paragraph as just a taste of some of the stories I will – no MUST describe in further detail in future posts.
Bottom line people, Clint Walker changes lives, his endless rants coupled with his overabundance of hand signals and comical gestures is something which must be shared. He modifies attitudes, transcends genders and unintentionally establishes an entirely new assortment of varying belief structures. You don’t fuck with him, you join him…you really have no other choice.
Alright here we go, there is only one place I can think of to start…that would be Patio Talk.
The central purpose and theme is simple. Clint is a man who needs very little introduction. For those of us who know him: you all understand why this blog was created and required to ensure the continued survival of the human race…for that matter for the continued existence of life on this planet in all its forms. For those of you who don’t know Clint, read away and enjoy. In fact reading won’t be enough, you will find and I promise you this, that after reading a few posts you will feel or even crave the overwhelming desire to meet him and bask in the overflowing brilliance, lunacy and splendor that is Clint Walker.
Finding him fortunately is the easy part. If there is a tanning bed nearby, you can find him. If there is a sale on undersized men’s shirts, you can find him. If you find yourself staring at a robotic vacuum wondering what its thinking, you can find him. If you have a patio and 15 minutes to drink as many beers as possible, you can find him. If you have mixed tapes with questionable content on one side and summer of 1993 self made mixes on the other side, you can find him. If you have bus transfers in your pocket and a guy named Steve on your mind, you can find him. If you insist on rolling up your sleeves as the need to expose and display your guns is too great, you can find him. If you find yourself straightening your hair after a 2 hour shower, you can find him. If you can hear random calls for Bison, you can find him. If you find yourself littering every hallway and vacant bit of floor with your own resume, you can find him.
I can go on and on my friends, consider the previous paragraph as just a taste of some of the stories I will – no MUST describe in further detail in future posts.
Bottom line people, Clint Walker changes lives, his endless rants coupled with his overabundance of hand signals and comical gestures is something which must be shared. He modifies attitudes, transcends genders and unintentionally establishes an entirely new assortment of varying belief structures. You don’t fuck with him, you join him…you really have no other choice.
Alright here we go, there is only one place I can think of to start…that would be Patio Talk.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)