A Sunday on BC Ferries

This is a special mobile post from my cell phone. There was no way I could wait to post my experiences of the last hour.

My apologies for any spelling or grammatical mistakes, i am using a virtual keyboard with my new phone and had become accustomed to using a blackberry keyboard, now don't get me wrong blackberries are nothing compared to this phone, but I do miss the keyboard.

Seeing as I am using my cellphone I will get right to the key events which lead me to this overwhelming need to post immediately.

You will notice the main picture for this post is of some douche and his 2002 Hyundai Elantra. This fucking guy has tinted windows and rims on this thing...now I am all for personalizing your vehicle, but serious - its a fucking Hyundai! So there I am trying to read my copy of the Province when an alarm starts going off, much to my surprise it's the Hyundai in front of me. Of course the driver is nowhere to be seen...a few minutes pass and the alarm turns off. A few minutes later the alarm goes off again, then again and so on for the next 45 minutes. It would appear that he is so concerned about his precious $2500 vehicle that he has the sensitivity on his alarm turned way up, so whenever someone walks by his car the alarm goes off. I just about lost it, there is a small child in the vehicle next to me crying about the noise while smearing what I can only assume is banana all over the inside of his window, some of my other neighbors get fed up and go tell an employee about it. A few minutes later there is an announcement over the PA about this Hyundai. Does the guy show up? No...he shows up 30 seconds before we board, about 20 minutes later. I sincerely hope this guy is sterile, for the sake of all of humanity...I mean who puts an alarm on a vehicle which has an MSRP when brand new of about $9200 and then jacks the sensitivity to max?

This brings me to the next part of my journey. Okay people we all need our coffee in the morning, I get it...but when you are at the ferry you might want to stay aware of the time. I have never seen so many people running for their cars at the last second, coffee in hand, as the rest of us have to drive around their vehicles to board because they are too stupid to look at one of the many time keeping devices our technologically advanced society has been able to produce. I wish I was making this up guys, honestly, it was brutal to watch, there were no less than 10 vehicles stranded all over the lot. I don't even know what else to say about it.

You would think that once I actually boarded the ferry all this insanity would cease, guess again. There I am stuck behind a freaking gaggle of tourists in the stairwell as they argue about what I can only assume is if they want to eat or not. I am all for lengthy conversations about the potential to catch the clap, the dreaded bee disease or worse from Ferry food, however they actually stopped moving for about 2 minutes while still on the stairs to keep talking about it. To make matters worse they wouldn't allow me or the 15 people behind me to pass them until they were done. Can someone please help me out here, is it just me or are you confused as fuck by this course of action?

By this point all I can think about is smoking. Thankfully I am able to dodge the rest of the confused tourists and make it to the upper deck and the smaller than average smoking area. As I approach this younger guy I smell something familar. Yup, you guessed it, he is smoking a joint. Now I am not one to judge or anything, but all sillyness aside it's 8:34am and you are on the ferry. Nothing is going to make the food taste any better. This dude was like 40 years old! Maybe it was the previous experiences of the morning that set me off, but I couldn't even handle it, kids are walking around, people are taking pictures and there's buddy, getting high.

All in all, a standard Sunday morning on the ferry. The best part is that I am coming back to the Island tonight, so stay tuned as I'm sure I will have more to report.

A Brief History of Time

Alright so I am breaking off on a bit of a tangent here to give you all a little bit of history...enjoy !

(Keith, this one's for you)

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers.  They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.  The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.  The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.  These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups.  Liberals and Conservatives.  Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.  Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they stayed close to the brewery.  That’s how villages were formed.  Some men spent their days tracking and killing to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer.  This was the beginning of what is known as the conservative movement.  Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.  This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.  Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.  The reset became known as girlie-men.  Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.  Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.  Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.  Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.  They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.  Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare.  Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.  Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.  Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.  Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Blue or Bud.  They eat red meat and still provide for their women.  Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.  Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.  Liberals do little or nothing.  They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with production.  Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than North Americans.  That is why most Liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to the new world.  They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history.  It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before passing it on.  A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of the history that it will be passed on immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.