Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Coming this Summer to FOX, a new series starring Clint Walker - Patio Talk

Before I launch into full blown story mode, there is one more part of foundation which needs to be laid.

Patios and views are 2 things Clint can't resist. Fortunately for me I have a decent patio with an incredible view from my place. This is fortunate because this combination led to an event which I can never forget.

The original Patio Talk was a full on Clint event. Sunny weather and a 15 pack of beer. Clint has this amazing ability to promote the rapid consumption of beer in a short period of time.

So there we are, its just the 2 of us. Its about 4:30 on a weekday afternoon, the sun is glaring and warm. I am rapidly getting a sunburn as I am about as pasty white as they come...Clint on the other hand has been tanning since the early 80s, so he is looking as bronzed and powerful as a Greek Statue of Zeus.

Tanning is key to the power that is Clint, there are times he comes over and he is too tanned for me, I can barely handle it, to be honest with you I have actually had to disengage from the enjoyment of his stories to consider my lack of tan and its unworthiness.

Seeing as we are on the subject of tanning, Clint just called me to advise me that he was going to the gym...and then going for a tan...its classic Clint, if he wasn't going to get a tan, I would be concerned and probably be calling hospitals and drunk tanks all over the country. The Island is simply not big enough to house Clint Walker, he could be anywhere.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand...

Before I know it I see my 2 empty cans on the table next to his 5 empty cans. I glance at my watch to discover its been about 20 minutes. To achieve a true Clint Walker event folks, you must begin by having about 3 beer in 15 minutes, it is not enough to allow Clint to take the helm on this one, if you are looking to enjoy a full on experience, you must be right there with him.

Clint and I have always enjoyed great conversations, but you get us on a patio with beers and those conversations take on an entirely new dimension. I have nothing to do with the direction of patio talk, I can't take any credit for what ensues during this type of event...it is pure Clint at his best. There is something which I will refer to from here on as the Clint Walker Effect (or CWE for short).

You see when Clint starts going, if you are lucky enough to be present during one of these events, you are in for a real treat. The original patio talk is where I experienced my first true Clint experience.

All of a sudden he bursts into the role of Talk Show host. I don't even really realize what is going on at first. He is holding a fictitious microphone in his hand and staring at a corner of my deck...I quickly realize that he is looking at the imaginary video camera.

I am floored at this point, Clint is full bore now. He held me in the role of guest speaker, a role which I gladly accepted. Needless to say, the 15 pack is now gone, its been a little under an hour and Clint is still going. I am laughing my ass off as I'm trying to take it all in.

There is a moment in every Clint experience where he goes from simply talking to full on story telling. Let me just say that you have not heard a story until you have heard it through the eyes of Clint Walker.

Every story or inside joke from our many patio talks has grown into something beyond our control.

From Bus Stop Steve to Truck Truck Ferry and Backpack with his 18 zippers. If you have enjoyed a Clint rant in the last 2 years you can be sure that those stories were first described in full detail during Patio Talk. I can take absolutely no responsibility for these stories, however the level of enjoyment I get from them has led to me ensure that they are continued and spread to as many people as possible.

During his time at a certain fascist consumer electronics retail superstore, Clint was able to use these stories and characters to boost the morale of the entire store. This is why I have created this blog, Clint is no longer with that store and as such I cannot allow his wisdom and surgical like comedic timing to go to waste.

There is hope out there people, don't let life get you down, take an hour out of your day, buy all the beer you can get and find Clint on a patio. Look for the extremely tanned guy wearing a medium T-Shirt with guns exposed and captivating an audience. Sit down and enjoy.

2 comments:

  1. i hope that when they all got fucked at "FCE" (for short) someone came in and said "at least it's sunny out" to them. cause apperantly that helps soften the blow...

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  2. Way too Funny !

    ReplyDelete